In the beginning, there was adaptation to the people around me. Having the first sex because my friends had. Smoking the first weed because most around me did. Getting my hair colored, my skin pierced, my clothes changed in all variations. 

My friends did it. I did it too. I became vegetarian. I changed schools. I was a child that grew up during the so-called ‘Wende’. My shore.

In the middle, I still kept trying all sorts of things. I changed homes, jobs, friends, food habits. My thoughts changed. My perspective about life changed.

The world changed.

There was an artificial time of befriending my body. I pushed through. I had started to take dance classes and joined a body-awareness course. My timetable was filled.

I was always on the go. I enjoyed it. It seemed so. I had become alive. I felt life. I felt the pleasure and the pain under my skin. When I watch videos from that time I wonder who that was.

Now, there is another coming home to my body. Naturally, I take a lot of time to take care of my body. There is no need to do it, no thinking I owe it to my body. No I must do it. No I’m getting older now it’s time. Noone telling me I should.

My skin sheds. My blood turns. My cells renew. My heart rests. My shape is changing. 

My life is changing. 

The world is changing.

In the end, the aliveness is coming from deeper and deeper within.